MODESTY

"Sexy" Fashions?...What Do Men Think?    MIKE MATHEWS

How do women's "sexy" clothes really affect men? As a man, I'd like

to explain.

            How do women's "sexy" clothes really affect men? As a man, I'd like to explain. So often, I see women in tight jeans, form-fitting dresses and mini-skirts. Some are wearing "painted-on" pants, low-cut blouses and tight sweaters, while others show parts of their bras here or there. Women are wearing "sexy" fashions just about everywhere — to school, work, even church.

            Are these women striving to be honored and respected by men? Sometimes I wonder what their motives are deep down inside. Are they trying to be attractive and fashionable — or are they seeking something more? Do they know what signals they're sending men? Are they looking for attention — or are they trying to find a good husband and permanent love? Are they trying to attract a date — or trying to boost self-confidence? It may be these reasons or others, but the bottom line is that dressing in

"sexy" clothes will not cause men to honor or respect women. In fact, it's actually guaranteed to cause men to dishonor and disrespect them. If you want a man to respect you, and perhaps eventually fall in love with you, then you must show him that you respect yourself and that you recognize your dignity before God. The best way to show this is through modesty in dress, words, thoughts and actions.

            What triggers sexual thoughts in men? It's natural to want to dress attractively. But without always being aware of it, women who wear "sexy" clothes are "dressing for sex," — that is, dressing in ways that set off sexual thoughts in men. Why do men react

this way, and why don't women always realize it? Because men and women are "wired" differently when it comes to the human body. The fact is, it doesn't take much visual stimulus at all for guys to become sexually aroused. The sight of the female body, even just a little bit and even if it's a complete stranger, can trigger sexual thoughts instantly. This  might be difficult for women to understand, but it's absolutely true.

            How about women? My female friends tell me that sure, women appreciate

handsome, well-built men — but women are not affected visually in the same intense way that men are. Women, for example, find words of love, tenderness and sincere appreciation much more meaningful than physical images of men.

            Given these differences, there's no question that "sexy" clothes will get a man's attention. For some women this may seem flattering or fun at first, but ultimately, it's not fulfilling because it won't attract the kind of attention — or man — a woman really wants. Why? Because it causes men to want to "use" women sexually rather than love them for who they are. Remember, the sight of a woman's body is so powerful for men, that unless they're well-trained and highly disciplined, they'll have a difficult time

refraining from sexual thoughts. And once these thoughts begin, they frequently turn to impure thoughts like, "If only we were alone. . ." or "I'd sure like to. . ." That's called lust, and the clothes women wear can actually trigger these thoughts in a split second. Yes, men are guilty if  they entertain lustful thoughts. But decent guys want to avoid these

thoughts and we hope women will help us by exercising virtue and wearing modest clothes that don't present strong temptations.

            What makes men see women as sex objects? Whether you know it or not, if you dress in revealing clothes, many men will see you as a "sex object." Not only that, but the way you dress can affect how men view other women as well. When men are prompted to see women in lustful ways, men tend to develop a warped vision of all women, causing them to view and treat other women they encounter later as sex objects.

            Whether it's conscious or unconscious, if you present yourself in a way that is sexually revealing, even in the slightest of ways, many men will want your body for pleasure without regard for you as a person. Many men will see you as sexually loose. Other men will be constantly distracted with sexual temptations and find it hard to get to know you as a person. Some will verbally harass you. Some will tell you anything you want to hear just to get into bed with you. Still others will try to grope you or even rape you.

            Now, let me be clear: no matter how a woman is dressed, that's never an excuse for rape, or for sexual aggression of any kind. Men who commit these acts have committed a monstrous sin and a heinous crime. Nothing I'm saying gives any man any excuse or rationalization for rape or any other  crime. And by the way, don't be misled by women's magazines that make it look  like every guy is after sex and you've got to dress "sexy" to get a good  man. That's not true. Only guys who want to take advantage of you sexually will encourage you to dress that way. You don't have to show off your body  to meet a good guy. Get him to love the "you" inside!

            So what kind of attention do you really want? Most women want to be loved and respected for who they are inside, not for their looks. Isn't that what you want? Don't you want to be loved by a sincere, pure, virtuous man who is confident, disciplined and committed to your relationship? I know you don't want to be used by men, and that you don't want to find yourself in a relationship or married to a man without self-control — a man who looks for quick flings or who lusts after every cute girl he sees.

            Katherine Kersten, commentator on National Public Radio and chairman of the Center of the American Experiment, writes, "But modesty is about something more: simple fairness. We women demand respect from men, insisting that they value us not for our looks, but for 'who we are.' It is hypocritical to do this, and then dress and act immodestly — intentionally provoking sexual desire, and signaling our easy openness to

it. To act this way is to undermine our own dignity, to treat ourselves as 'sex objects.' Moreover, it is patently unfair, for it means that we are holding men to a higher standard than we hold ourselves."

            Prepare for lasting love If you are seeking lasting love and a lifelong marriage that unites mind, soul and body, the best way to achieve this is by being the kind of person you want your future spouse to be. Think of yourself and your future mate as someone with integrity, a vital personality and strong character. If you develop these qualities and demonstrate them through words, actions and appearance, it will help you attract the same in a spouse. Many good men are out there: men with wonderful personalities, men who are respectful, intelligent, and looking for a long-term relationship — men who will be faithful and committed to one wife for life. To find a truly honorable man like this, remember that he'll be attracted to a woman who dresses modestly as a sign of purity, to someone who recognizes that each person is created in the image and likeness of God.

By dressing modestly, a woman also shows that she knows we were made to love and be loved as unique, unrepeatable individuals. She also shows that she has reverence for her body and her immortal soul — two sacred gifts to be treated with dignity and respect.

            As a man, let me close by saying I sincerely appreciate women who make the extra effort to dress modestly. I know several attractive women who always dress in beautiful fabrics and modest styles. What makes these women even more attractive than their physical beauty and the fashionable clothes they wear is their modesty. It's a virtue that makes them glow in a beautiful way. It shows thoughtfulness, inner strength and high

self-esteem. Modesty also shows a pure heart and the generous desire to save oneself for a future spouse. Think for a moment — what do your clothes say about you?

            P.S. Modesty is a beautiful virtue! Men also benefit from modesty when they practice it in their thoughts, words and actions.

      ACKNOWLEDGEMENT

      Mike Mathews. "'Sexy' Fashions?...What Do Men Think?" LoveMatters.com.